The fishes are waiting for me to catch them... more


Monday, 21 July 2008

So you want to be a flight attendant?

Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear that same outfit for three consecutive days.

Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the very next day and do the same thing again.

Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disc slip in your back.

Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night.

Remove the covers from several T.V entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time.

Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat 6 hours later when you're really hungry. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from your family's meal.

Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to remove their shoes and socks before entering, and see who can make the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night.

Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's runners and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake.

Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a muffin in a package. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school.

After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out into the yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkler system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like your waiting for the crew bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.

Change into street clothes and shop for 5 hours. Pick up carry-outfood from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm clock for 03:00 am so you'll be ready incase you don't get your wake up call. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first international flight.



REASONS NOT TO BE A FLIGHT ATTENDANT!

1. Spend half the year at home bored because all your friends are at work, it's a weekday!

2. Experience the dread of being stuck in the airport waiting to get on a flight with a standby ticket. Your family/friends/random people you met in the street will harass you to book them cheap tickets for their holidays.

3.Get a lucrative benefits package including healthcare and life insurance (for the severe damage that pressure chang/atmospheric radiation does to your body), employee stock options (your companys way of saying "we go down ur coming with us").

4. Enjoy the unmatched variety of being on standby and not knowing where your going to be going tomorrow at 6am.

5.Get use to maximum flexibility - You're never going to get another weekend off with the rest of the world.

6. Meet some real stuk up assholes, including many celebrities.

7. See the world then get terribly blaze about it i.e. "God not a nighstop new york again".

8. Feel more independant, so you aren't scared to shout at crewing when they call you in the middle of the night.

9. Feel more responsible so you dread the thought that if the idiot who's currently waiting for the toilet while we're in turbulence kills him, you need to revive him.

10. Feel a sense of shame and embarrassment when you get to your destination and the groundstaff totally lets you down (especially when theyre not ready for an unacompanied minor or disabled passenger).

11. Your freinds will hate you for making them jealous of all the places you've been and will eventually stop taking your calls. You will end up not having anymore friends.


Source:http://www.singaporeexpats.com/forum/ftopic7025-0-asc-17880.html

5 comments:

Spider63 said...

You are one funny, poignant, ironic, and slightly bitter person. I do not like to use the word bitter, because I often think like you do and I do not think that I am bitter. I do not like it when people say that I am bitter. Seeing the truth does not make bitterness, does it? On the other hand, there must be a brighter side?

Anonymous said...

Spider63...I am not bitter but sweet lah and besides the article wasn't mine. It was taken from some forum ok....aiya U need reading glasses or wat...hehehe.
BT

Anonymous said...

haha what was posted is totally true!!! people only see the "glam" and "travel" side, and neglect the shit we do onboard. I so love the part about the pax who dies during turbulence. like your pee more impt than your life.

lucy said...

YUCKS! You mean cabin crew must wash the toilets? So do they change into different clothes when they do washing or wash in their uniforms??!!!

pom said...

i don't think so