Having meals in Japan..read more




Monday, 13 April 2009

Latest news from HR department

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Consequently persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Management

6 comments:

Genius said...

Classic!

Really brillant.

Choon cheong said...

Thats Cute !!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

it would be good to send the message to H.R so that they will have a good laugh and take some stress off them,especially at times like this.They may use your idea and give you a reward.

michelle said...

GOOD ONE!

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I much prefer stewards and stewardess around 40ish & 50ish of North American and European airlines. They are much more experienced, reliable and affable.
With the 20ish of SIA, I often feel like being drilled on a school yard.
Age should never be a reason to retire experienced employees.
- singora

Lily Ann said...

This is hilarious!