1) A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach LA. "The disgusted stewardess gets the chief steward who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach LA. " The chief steward doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated for take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the co-pilot. The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section. The chief steward asks the co-pilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to LA.
2) Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali and asked that he fasten his seat belt. "Superman don't need no seat belt," Ali growled. "Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need no airplane!"
3) On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!"The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you witch!"Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!" Suddenly, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says. . . "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!"