Funny short stories

Air sickness cap.

Stewardess Aminah was air sick while working in the front cabin. The weather wasn't too friendly and the plane started to rock ,almost hit by lightning. Aminah wanted to throw out but the airsickness bags were too far from where she was. Instinctively, Aminah who was near the cockpit door quickly opened it and grabbed the captain's cap,turned it upwards and vomited into it!.....no the captain wasn't mad and he merely asked Aminah to disposed his cap into the waste bin.

Merry go round


During a short layover in Tokyo, steward Jim left his hotel at about 10pm and travelled by train to buy himself a cabin bag. It was his first time in Japan. He was scheduled to check out of the hotel the next morning at 7am. Guess what? Jim lost his way and didn't get back to the hotel until almost 7am.

Gaming ghosts


We were playing card games one night in a hotel in Hong Kong. Little did we realised there were ghosts leaning over some of my colleagues shoulders trying to peep at their cards. Allan who could see spirits told us much later on during our flight home.


Sleepless night stops


There were a few stewardesses who would rather hang around the hotel lobby the whole night till morning than to check into their room in Toyko. Reason?  They believed the hotel rooms were haunted and the stewards could not be trusted to share room with.

A Lawyer?


A flight supervisor asked a new stewardess what was she doing before joining the airline. She replied in typical Singlish " study lor ( sounded like law)"  to which the supervisor retorted " what are you doing here then you should be a lawyer ?"

Beg your pardon what flight?


A stewardess made an announcement over the PA telling the passengers the flight was known as the "Executive Luncheon Flight" pronounced it as "Executive Lan Cheow ( means pennis in Hokkien dialect) Flight"

Anyone who has more stories please contribute and I will publish them.

Retribution or Karma?

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Liz was an average looking girl except for her fair and smooth complexion which somehow enhanced her looks. Liz was a hot stuff and most of the crew knew that. She slept with many guys even before she became a stewardess with the airline. One would expect that Liz would be wild once she joined the airline. However,she seemed to like only one senior steward and had been his girl friend ever since she started flying.
Liz's boy friend was Sam. Sure Sam was a married man and everyone's guess why Liz wasn't fooling around was because Sam must have been able to satisfy the huge sexual appetite of Liz's.
Once someone asked Liz how did she managed to have and maintained such a smooth and fair complexion even after a long night flight..."Simple" was her answer "I swallow the s**** of the man who made love to me". So that was the main reason she had a lovely skin,so she believed.
There was a senior steward whose position was like that of an IA in SQ ( IA= Inflight Auditor). He was known by the name of Dan and he was interested in Liz too. Of course, Dan knew his chances of bedding Liz was almost zero as Liz was in love with Sam. However, Dan was one who would not easily gave up. He could be unscrupulous when it comes to this sort of thing. To him if Sam a married man could seduced Liz so could he too.
We don't know whether it was by sheer coincidence that Dan was rostered to fly with Liz or it was pre arranged by Dan himself. They operated a flight together to HKG and stopped for a night.
In HKG, that evening, Dan called Liz and asked her to visit him in his hotel room. "I have an appraisal on you Liz and I need to brief you on your work performance" said Dan over the phone.
In less than 10 minutes, Liz was knocking at Dan's door. "Please come in Liz....wow you look really sexy when out of your uniform." Dan praised Liz. "Thank you Dan, you are very kind" Liz replied shyly.
Dan gestured to Liz to take a seat. He poured a glass of orange juice which he removed from the aircraft fridge and offered Liz. She recognized the orange juice was the same as the one served on the flight. Liz dismissed the thoughts that Dan was like any other crew who would steal things off the airplanes. To Liz Dan represented the airline management and could not have stolen the orange juice. Perhaps it was a coincidence. Besides the same brand of OJ could be bought from the shops in HKG.
"I have something to tell you about your boy friend Sam and hope you would not be offended with me" said Dan. "I am worried for a nice girl like you to be ignorant of the things Sam did and said about you behind your back" Dan told Liz. "The whole airline knew about how you like to make love with Sam in the closet and be blindfolded" Dan said with an air of concern for Liz. "Oh my gosh did Sam tell people how I like to be made love to?" Liz asked Dan with disbelief in her eyes. "Yes my dear he did otherwise I wouldn't know, isn't it?" replied Dan calmly.
Dan started to tell Liz how many stewardesses Sam had screwed before she joined the airline. Liz couldn't believed all that Dan had told her. She had so much faith and feelings for Sam. Liz broke down and cried and begged Dan to stop telling her about Sam.
This is the opportune time to get into action,thought Dan. He put his arms around Liz and consoled her. "Please don't cry dear cos he does not deserve to be with a nice girl like you" Dan whispered into Liz's ear.
The fragrance of the shampoo which Liz used on her hair smelled like sweet roses to Dan as he kissed her head. He hugged Liz and carried her to his bed. Liz was confused but did not resist as Dan started to fondle her solid breasts. She felt the rush of sexual adrenaline swamping over her whole body. Dan began to undress Liz and she felt the urged to be made love to. They were over each other in a matter of seconds.
Back home whenever Liz met Sam she would ignored him. She hated him for having a big mouth bragging to the other crew how he screwed her. Sam felt strange that Liz had suddenly changed her feelings towards him. "How could that be,what has happened to Liz?" Sam kept asking himself.
A few days later, Sam managed to get hold of Liz and asked her to explain her cold attitude towards him.
She wept as she repeated what Dan had told her about him. "Those are big lies, I never told anyone about our intimacy,Liz" Sam pleaded with Liz. "Dan is a liar and I will get to the bottom of it" Sam promised Liz.
But Liz wouldn't give anymore time for Sam to explain.
Sam tried recalling all the things he told Dan and he was very sure he didn't tell the intimacy between him and Liz.
All of a sudden Sam remembered sharing a hotel room with Dan a few weeks ago during their stop in Japan. He remembered Dan pleading with him to share his room because he was not feeling well and needed someone to wake him up for the early pick up next morning.
Sam now realised Dan could have rummaged through his briefcase reading the love letters that Liz wrote to Sam. Intimate and sexy things like being screwed blindfolded in the closet Dan told Liz were in the letters.

It also didn't help Sam much when he found out that Liz's new lover was Dan!
A few weeks later, there was a nasty complaint by a first class lady passenger on Dan's "disgraceful behaviour". It was followed up by another big complaint about his condescending attitude towards an economy class passenger.
Dan was booted out of the company. He lost not only his job but his huge false ego. In no time, Dan suffered a mental breakdown. He was spotted by a crew peeping from behind a tree at the girls in bikinis along the beach. Another crew saw Dan shabbily dressed and scavenging leftover food from a rubbish bin. Many in the airline said it was retribution while others said it was karma for the once-high-riding IA.

MAS cabin crew from 1972 onwards

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The first interviews in 1972 for flight crew saw hundreds of applicants. Some girls who were barely above the minimum height of 5ft 1in (155cm) resorted to wearing the highest heels and even hot pants beneath slashed maxi skirts, according to Airborne, the 45th anniversary commemorative book of MAS.

Lee, who was then director of customer services, recalls that he would mildly provoke his interviewees.

“ Sometimes I would tell the girls that `Your lipstick colour does not suit you.’ And then we would see how she responded. Some were clever and diplomatic. Others were offended and defensive.”

Alice Nazareth, 54, joined as a stewardess in 1973.

“When I was in Form Six, I saw this MAS van stopping at the traffic lights. Inside, were smiling stewardesses all dolled up in their vivid kebayas. I knew then what I wanted to be.”

The first uniforms, by local designer Andy Chiew, were a navy blue sarong kebaya for air hostesses and western style jackets and skirts (above the knee, ahem) for ground hostesses.

By the 1980s, the shorter skirts had gone maxi and Alice recalls how stewardesses had a choice of brown or green kebaya tops. In 1986, the full kebaya with stylised jasmine flowers and kelarai leaves (which continues till today) was introduced.

Another pioneer was Edmund Read, who joined MAS in 1972 (at a salary of RM250 a month) and worked his way up to Flight Services Manager in the 1990s.

In Airborne, he recalls the early days when barefoot passengers with spears and parangs would sometimes board the aircraft in Sarawak.

“Those were pre-hijacking days. They often brought all their worldly possessions along.”

Other passengers would board the aircraft with ringgit notes, sometimes in baskets, and dole them out to the in-flight crew.

“What else could we do but get ground services to issue them tickets on the spot,” he says.

Faridah Abdul Rahman, 50, who was a stewardess for 12 years (after joining in 1977), remembers that on some flights in Sabah, people would bring whole coops of live chickens on board.

“We were flying (48-seater) Fokkers then and the cargo would be at the back. Sometimes the coops would break and little chicks would be running among the seats.”

“It would be our duty to go and catch them!” chips in Mazlan Mokty, 48, who has been a steward since 1980.

Despite such misadventures, his daughter, Mazrynna Dyanna Mazlan, 26, has also signed up as air crew.

“In fact, about nine of our relatives, including Mazrynna’s brothers and sisters-in-law are flying,” says Mazlan. “There are also other people whose sons and daughters have joined as air crew.”

Nevertheless, there were times over the years when attractive terms of service had to be fought for. A major labour dispute began in December 1979 when staff boycotted overtime work. It grew worse until the Government directed the airline to suspend all flights in February 1980. Soon after, 18 union leaders were arrested under the ISA.

The strike ended in April when the Government raised its salary increment offer from 8.8% to 17.9% but not before the dispute gained international attention when International Transport Workers Federation members supported their Malaysian counterparts by refusing to service a MAS DC10 plane that landed in Sydney. It returned only after the Royal Australian Air Force refuelled it.

Alice recalls those times: “Initially, MAS was a small airline and could not afford so many benefits. But after a few years, we wanted to be on par with other airlines. I remember one of the biggest things we were fighting for was better meal allowances. Some destinations had a high cost of living and we had to pay just as much for food as crews from SIA or Cathay (Pacific).

“During the strike, we would spend time together at the airport and sing songs such as We Will Overcome (made popular by Martin Luther King while fighting for blacks in America during the 1960s),” says Alice. “After MAS gave us generous increments, it still reaped profits. To us, it was about looking after the staff as assets.”

The right stuff

And what assets they turned out to be. Selma Osman, who oversaw stewardesses in 1972, forecasted then that friendly in-flight service and winsome smiles would be the standout features of MAS.

“(It’s) not so much (about being) a sophisticated swinger but rather a sincere, pleasant girl,” she says in Airborne.

That vision has come to pass, what with MAS aircrew having won the prestigious Skytrax World’s Best Cabin Staff Award in 2002, 2004 and 2007.

“It’s not just about looking good and smiling,” explains Faridah, who became a crew trainer for 17 years after her flying days ended. “It’s also about the ability to care, to show compassion. Customers nowadays are more sophisticated and the ability to communicate and meet requests are important.”

In fact, as long as they are in uniform, crew members are expected to be on their best behaviour.

“When walking from the plane to the hotel, the stewardesses should walk in a brisk yet feminine and graceful manner. As for the stewards, they should walk tall, not slouch, with their noses pointed neither upwards nor downwards but straight-ahead,” says Faridah.

While the airline's aim of striving to provide friendly and professional service remains unchanged, times and attitudes, however, have changed.

“In the past, there were few aircraft and we were like a small family. Those were simpler times and we were always together. I remember how we all used to go to Chinese movies (when stopping over) in Taiwan even though some of us could hardly understand any dialogue,” recalls Alice.

“Now the airline has grown so big, and we don’t stick so closely together. There’s also the generation gap. The young are more sophisticated and independent minded.”

On the Tajudin Ramli era and the continuing freefall that MAS was caught in, none of the people interviewed would comment on it – which is telling in itself. Instead, they prefer to talk about the present and the future.

Mazlan, for example, says: “In the past two years, the morale has really gone up. We have a lot of faith in the new management.”

And Zuraidi sums it up nicely, “MAS has gone through ups and downs and we have weathered the storms. But we are here to stay.”

Above story taken from http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2007/12/16/lifefocus/19762103&sec=lifefocus

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Edmond Tay ex CCE your chauffeur? Why not huh?

My ex-colleague ex-CCE Edmond Tay has recently joined Lotus Limousines as their Marketing Manager.

Lotus Limousines is the first and only premier super stretched limousine service in Singapore.

They provide services for airport/hotel transfers, city tour, VIP pick up, birthday/anniversary surprises, weddings, photo shoots, parties, joy and fun rides, etc.

Edmond told me that he will give special discounted rates to airline crew (both Cabin and Tech). He just requires you to email an attachment with a copy of your crew pass to him, as a proof that you are a crew. He promises that you will enjoy a celebrity experience with eye-catching and head-turning responses of onlookers, when you ride in the limo.

Call Edmond for special rates and book a limo, especially when you are getting married and also you may request that he be your chauffeur. It adds to the novelty of having an ex-CCE to be your chauffeur.

Contact Edmond or check out Lotus Limos and IndoChine websites: HP 98336663, email edmond@lotuslimos.com  info@lotuslimos.com  webwww.lotuslimos.com  www.indochine-group.com

Edmond Tay

Marketing Manager

Lotus Limousines

47 Club Street Singapore 069424

Hp: +65 98336663

www.lotuslimos.com

www.indochine-group.com

Dare say we don't need a strong union?

As far as any employer is concerned if its employee falsely declare his or her personal particulars when asked then he or she would be terminated once it is discovered.
False declaration of personal particulars is not rampant amongst most employees or would be employees but there will always be a few who would resort to it. Why people don't want to declare the truth? Reason is, the would be employee would not be employed or the serving employee may get the boot. In not telling the truth,one must be prepared for the worst.
There were crew in the past who were dismissed from service because of false declaration. One serious case was of a trainee steward who did not declare he was convicted of a crime involving drugs. He was sacked when the company discovered the truth. Then there was a case of a stewardess "Molly" who were fired because she did not declare she had a child. This story was told on page 18 of my book "Fasten Your Seat Belts".
There were other cases too and most were fired once the truth was discovered.
Recently there was another stewardess like Molly, was fired because the airline found out she has a child and did not declare when she first joined the company.
The union people did a wonderful job by managing to persuade the company to reinstate her. Don't ask me how the union managed to save her but it did and that matter most.
If I was the stewardess, I would be eternally grateful to union leaders like Alan Tan and his committee members. Kudos to Alan and Heart Party!

Guess which airline serves this?

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They claimed this is business class lunch...aiya dun joke la

SIA business class (wah so shiok one!).

SIA business class lunch service

Cathay Pacific Airways(aiya where can fight SIA ?)

Pictures of Cathay Pacific business class lunch service.

The story of tomato face senior steward pt 1

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His nickname was tomato face. We shall call him TF. He was already a senior steward when I joined the airline. TF was about 2 years older than me. He was always on the lookout for new crew to bully. He reminds me of the character "Ah Huat" in the TV series of "Fighting Spiders" who was also a big bully.
I remember how the new crew both stewardesses and stewards were so afraid of TF. He was notorious and would asked difficult questions pertaining to work. If one could not give him a good answer,he would shout and scold them. Sometimes,giving TF the correct answers would also get a severe scolding from him.
Whenever we got our rosters,we would quickly keep our fingers crossed and prayed we did not have to fly with TF. But back then the cabin crew were numbered something like less than a hundred. We had no much of a choice because one way or the other,we had to fly with TF.
The night before the flight with TF would usually be sleepless. You would look through your work manual and also find out from those who had flown with TF what type of drinks and food he would like.
If you boarded the flight and not knowing what TF liked to eat or drink your life would be miserable throughout the tour of duty.

The story of tomato face senior steward pt 2

The reason he was nicknamed tomato face was because he had a chubby round face with rosy cheeks. With his rosy cheeks one would think TF was cute looking but he wasn't. He was in fact angry tomato.
One day, I had the misfortune of flying with TF. Since it was my 2nd or 3rd flight naturally I was slow in dishing out the service to my passengers. My passengers didn't complain but TF seized the opportunity to chew me up. Besides being abused verbally, TF threw a plate at me in the galley. It broke into pieces and he ordered me to pick them up. He also gave me a nasty report at the end of the flight.
It was not that I nor my peers were afraid of TF. Most of us new stewards were either ex policemen,prison officers or from the uniformed branch. We were tough guys as compared to TF who became a steward after he left school. We were concerned about losing the stewarding job and hence tolerated TF's bullying attitude.
If TF was someone from the outside world, we would have broken his neck for being arrogant and a bully.
One of my peers was kicked by TF for not chilling the fruits on the flight. He was also verbally abused and  given a bad report. There were others who were also shouted at but they just tolerated TF.

The story of tomato face senior steward pt 3

Those were the days where you could be verbally and physically abused by your seniors. In schools for example, the teachers were allowed to cane and slap the students. It was the practice of the day.
I had a primary school teacher who would disciplined us by using the rulers and his palms. He would slapped us if we misbehaved. Our parents wouldn't dare to complain to the ministry.
One day a classmate of mine who was slapped by that teacher,punctured his Morris Minor car tires. The same teacher later on had acid splashed on his face by the illegal hawkers whom he tried chasing away from the school compound. Subsequently he died from his wounds.
A few of us wanted to beat up TF for the way he treated us. I think TF got wind of the plan and before we could whack him,he became nice to some of us.
TF was good to those juniors who were tough and also those who would join him in his drinking,gambling,smoking and womanising.
During stops at oversea stations, TF would introduced women to us. He had a wide network of woman friends especially the Caucasian women whom he would bribed with whisky and brandy. These women adored TF because he always bought gifts for them. They would obey TF and slept with which ever crew he asked them to.
TF was also very persuasive with the management people in cabin crew too. He would get the flights he wanted for himself and his so called friends. To cross path with TF would mean "suicide",unless of course if you have the muscles to challenge him.

The story of tomato face senior steward pt 4

TF was influential in the cabin crew department. The management people listened and took his advice in most matters. He could decide your fate in terms of promotion and hiring and firing. This guy really baffled many of us. Some said TF exerted his powerful influence through the use of black magic...but we did not really know. Somehow, I began to come under TF's influence and he liked me. Well if you were a sports person eg. a good footballer, TF would favour you for he was the cabin crew football team manager. The team was the strongest in the company and TF was proud of it.
Let me illustrate to you the influence TF had even over the overseas staff of the airline.
In 1977 a group of us were assignment to travel to Seattle to familiarise ourselves with a new aircraft type which the company wanted to buy. We were to spend about a week in Seattle. TF had a hand in choosing the crew who were to do the assignment. I was one of the team members.
We travelled as passengers to Tokyo from Singapore on a JAL flight after which we had to change flight to Seattle. We complained to TF who was the leader in charge of the group that the trip would be too tiring and for us during our flight to TYO.  He listened and collected all our airline tickets. When we arrived in TYO, TF spoke to our ground staff and voiced our concern. He managed to get all of us a flight to Honolulu,Hawaii instead. HNL was not in our itineary but TF used his influence to convince the TYO manager that we should go to HNL. With the co-operation of the TYO staff, we all flew to HNL and spent a night there.
The "happenings" and what TF did in HNL was unbelievable ....continue soon

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Hillary Clinton airline flight attendant announcement

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This Indian Passenger was a .......................

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Amy met an Indian passenger who told her he knew her date of birth. Amy didn't believe him at first but she was shocked when he wrote her date of birth,month and year on a piece of paper and handed to her. The pax was right and he even surprised her when he wrote the same for her husband.
Amy made an appointment to meet him after flight to find out more about this Indian pax's mystic power.
She was told by him that a friend whom she did not contact for a long time had come to her mind. He warned her not to be her friend because she was an insincere person. He wrote down the name of Amy's friend and he was correct. The whole incidence kinda scare Amy. Was this hypnotism or some kind of spiritualism? Still Amy was amazed by this man.
The man took out a stone and offered to sell Amy. "It will bring you much luck and protect you from harm" the Indian man told her. When asked how much was the cost of the stone, he replied "all the money that you have". "But sir I have only $500 in my handbag" Amy told him. "No, no,no you have much more in the bank" he corrected Amy. " Sorry sir I do not have my bank book with me nor my ATM card" Amy said apologetically. Finally the man accepted the $500 Amy offered him and Amy took the stone home. She excitedly explained to her husband about the episode but the husband being a Catholic refused to believe her. He took the stone and threw it down the rubbish chute and chided Amy for being so gullible.
A few weeks later, Amy was badly bitten by a dog that her shin bone broke. She had 3 major operations and almost lost her leg.
Was the above a coincidence?

Her dream came true

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Every morning when Jane woke up she would go to the mirror and talked to herself.She would repeatedly remind herself to marry a very rich man when she grew up. "Mirror mirror on the wall,who is the rich man to marry Jane?". She was 10 years old then.
Jane grew up in a middle class family with her mother and step father.
She was fairly tall for her age and good looking too. Her breasts were a little too large for her age but she was proud of them.
Jane was always fascinated by rich men driving around with women in their expensive cars. She promised herself she would one day not only be driven around in luxury cars but lived in big houses with numerous servants. Jane was obsessed with wealth.
At age 18,Jane applied for the stewardess post which was advertised in the local newspaper. She was told by friends that one sure way to get to know the rich was to work as a stewardess. MSA or the now defunct Malaysia Singapore Airline was one of the biggest airlines in this part of the world and to secure a place as it's stewardess was the first step for Jane.
The stewardess interview was a breeze for Jane. She had no trouble getting the job she wanted because she was beautiful,charming and bubbly in nature. MSA typically looked for girls like Jane.
A month later,Jane flew down from her hometown in Malaysia and started her training in Singapore.

During training,Jane was much sought after by her seniors in the office. Her trainer dated her a couple of times but got nothing much out of her. She went on dates with him just to make sure she would passed her exams.

Jane was a scheming type of girl.She once told us that becoming a stewardess was not her dream like the other girls. She said she would use the stewardess position to hooked some rich passengers. She would want to infiltrate the millionaires' club.

In a matter of 2 months,Jane completed her training and started to fly.

She dumped her instructor,politely refusing his dates and started to look out for wealthy passengers.

I was quite shocked to hear Jane and an old business tycoon were dating each other. When I had the chance to fly with her I asked her why did she even got close to that tycoon. He was a very unpopular and uncouth first class passenger who used to push the male crew around. Jane's reply was " I won't even let him touch me,he is so revolting but I need him to introduce me to millionaires' club".

True to her words,Jane stopped going out with that tycoon. By now,Jane was flying for about 6 months. Her next boy friend was a son of a rich man called Sam. She was getting serious with him until Richie came along.

Richie was a regular first class passenger. He was a CIP (company's important passenger) and a real gentleman. He was in his early 50s at that time. He got to know Jane on one of his flights and fell for her.

The romance between Richie , a multi millionaire businessman and Jane began with Richie buying a very expensive gift for her. It was a Platinum 2 carat diamond ring.

Whenever Jane was rostered to do a long flight eg. to London where they crew would have a 5 day stay in Bahrain and 4 days stay in London,Richie would buy a first class ticket and flew with her. Richie would booked a hotel room near or opposite Jane's room.

Flowers and gifts would be showered on Jane by Richie. However in spite of all the gifts,Jane did not give in to Richie. She liked Richie and knew that he was one of the richest man in Asia but she played "hard to get".

Besides,she was living with Sam and she had some feelings for him.

Between Richie and Sam,Jane once confided in me that she preferred Richie but he was a married man and Sam was a divorcee. She told me " if Richie were to leave his wife I would go with him"..."I have better chance with Sam because he is available".

Jane liked Richie more because he had class which younger Sam lacked. Also Richie was much wealthier and generous.

Each time after her flight, Sam would be at the arrival hall to pick Jane home. It was heart breaking for Richie for he had witnessed on several occasions Sam hugging and kissing Jane at the arrival area of Singapore Paya Lebar Airport.

One day, Sam found out about Richie's interest in Jane and confronted him. Richie admitted he was in love with Jane. Jane was made to appear in the presence of the 2 men and asked which she preferred. She pointed her finger at Richie.

Jane and Sam broke off their relationship and moved out of his house. Richie bought a beautiful apartment in Singapore for Jane to live in.

"You would have to leave your wife if you want me Richie" Jane told Richie time and again when he wanted to sleep with her.

One day, somehow they had sex and a few months later Jane was pregnant.Jane  had to quit the airline because she did not want to abort the baby.

Jane became Richie's mistress. When she gave birth to their first child,Richie presented  Jane with a $500,000 cheque.

A few years later,Richie's wife died of a long sickness. This opened the way for Jane to be Richie's wife and indeed she was, a couple of months later.

When Jane gave birth to their second child she was given a million bucks by Richie.

Today,Jane ,Richie and their 2 children live in Hong Kong where Richie conduct most part of his business.