Cool Autumn Evening

Has the cabin crew union been doing a good job? Well see here

Friday, September 4, 2009

If I own an airline......

If I own an airline,first of all I will make sure I do not have pilots on my planes.
The planes I would have would be pilotless and computerised to land at its destination safely. It is now possible according to technology that airliners could operate without pilots. Without pilots,I would have solved 2 problems that plaque most airlines and they are,cost savings and no quarrels or fights between cabin crew and tech crew.
The second thing I would do is to do away with marketing and ticketing staff. I will sell tickets via internet. Those people who are not internet savy would be have to engage the help of friends or relatives.
Next, I would not have something like SATS or a kitchen to cook food for my passengers.They would have to buy my packed food like mee rebus,nasi lemak or botak john buggers on the planes.Drinks? Yes plenty but have to pay for them. 'No outside food' notices would be pasted all over the aircraft cabin interior (like in our food court la).
My stewardesses must be 36-24-36 types no older than 30 years. No batang crew will be employed. My candidates for stewardess positions don't have to pass the self introduction round of the interview. They do not have to speak well cos being dumb blond would sufficed.If they marry rich men they are bound by contract to pay my airline a fee. They do not have to got out on dates with me if they so wish..but the penalty for refusing would result in contracts not being renewed.
As for the passengers,if they abuse the crew,they would be thrown into a prison-like cabin at the rear of the aircraft for the rest of the journey. If they make too much noises they would be administered propofol,a drug that put Michael Jackson to sleep.
Passengers who are well behaved would be given vouchers for upgrading to business class for future flights.
In the cabin crew division,I would employ a svp who would conduct cc interviews,training,admin work,welfare etc etc...Chinese says pow ka liau.( no cce nor am in the office).
Of course there will be no such a thing as a flight operation division. There will be no ceo nor evp and the crap. Only myself will be the one in charge of all may call me airline mentor if you like.


Anonymous said...

I thought BT published actual history and gossips of cc. Now we all know you had such a foolish dream.You must be very free and lonely.

Singapore Capt said...

Boh Tong

Dun like tat lah, no pilots? our Aircraft can auto land but you still need to press the relevant buttons.

For takeoff, currently there are no auto take off, you still need pilots to take off. So unless take off phase can be fully computerised, no go.

Also, you need pilot to make decisions like medical emergency, In flight engine shutdown, cabin decompression, etc. So unless one day computers can do it reliably, there is always a need for pilots

BT's fren said...

U ppl dont take BT seriously pls.He is a funi old fellow so just enjoy wat he writes.

Anonymous said...

after reading this Singapore Airlines story from CNN:

I will probably not use Singapore Airlines!

BA Capt said...

after reading this Singapore Airlines story from CNN...

on the contrary you should fly SIA

Anonymous said...

how would you be able to have fun if the pilot turns out to be a hunk, which 1 in 5 usually turns out to be, we all know ccs get sick of each other every now and then